


A little snake's slumber

by Freepoetynightmare



Series: Little Works. [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Age Play Caregiver Logic | Logan Sanders, Age Play Little Deceit | Janus Sanders, Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Being Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Little Space, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:41:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25509175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freepoetynightmare/pseuds/Freepoetynightmare
Summary: Janus doesn't want the others to know about his regression. They find out in the worst way.
Series: Little Works. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1853761
Comments: 27
Kudos: 254





	1. And so they found out.

**Author's Note:**

> This was part of my agere one shot book but I decided to turn it into a full story after I was struck with inspiration! Thanks to TheSinicanEmpire for the suggestion for the beginning of this story!

Janus kept secrets. It’s what he does. So even after he was accepted he was still secretive and slow to give the others anything they could use against him. He was even more careful since he revealed his name and Roman mocked him about it. 

Sure he lashed out afterwards, but could anyone really fault him for fighting back? Well, Virgil did. Even after Janus apologized he still had the knee jerk reaction to hiss or insult him whenever Janus walked into a room. Something that didn’t go away whenever he showed up on screen.

So he kept his secrets and he held one closer than any other. Knowing that he would never live it down if any of the others found out. He had almost told Virgil before….And Remus has no filter. Keeping secrets is not what the chaotic trash fire did.

He locked his door twice and waited until no one would come looking for him before he would let down his guard and relax. He would get into comfortable jammies, and pull out his coloring books and plushies. He rarely regressed small enough to like a pacifier but it would happen under extreme stress.

Most of the time he would do this late at night. Always too afraid he would be summoned in the middle of his regression. 

Most of the time. 

He had been on the edge of regressing all day and he wanted to run back to his room and hide from everyone. He wanted to not be on guard and just curl up with his plushies and nap. 

Unfortunately Thomas had a problem. When doesn’t he? Janus thought bitterly as he rose up. He couldn’t skip out now, not when he fought so hard to be here.

Virgil hissed at him when he rose up next to him. 

“Oh please keep it up! It’s not getting old at all!” Janus snapped.

“Janus!” Patton scolded rushing to Virgil’s defence. 

Janus managed to not roll his eyes at that and settled instead for straightening his caplet. 

Logan rose up next to him and said nothing. He didn’t speak much and when he did it was cold and impersonal. Janus had tried to reach out to him on multiple occasions and failed everything to crack that frozen facade that the logical side had put up. 

Last to arrive was Roman who sent a quick glare towards Janis before schooling his face into a more pleasant expression.

That look made Janus want to sink out as the fuzzy headspace nagged at him. He shook his head slightly to get rid of it. He couldn’t leave...He had to stay focused.

“What do you think, Janus?” Thomas asked.

Janus looked around and everyone was staring at him. What happened? Did he zone out?

“...Yes?” 

“What do you think?” Thomas repeated. 

Before Janus could ask him to repeat whatever he needed advice on or try and bluff his way through it until he figured it out Virgil spoke up.

“Tsk! I don’t know why you want to hear from him anyway!” Virgil said. “He’ll just try and complicate the matter until he gets what he wants!”

“I only want what’s best for Thomas!” Janus said, his voice a bit squeaky.

Everyone stared in shock at his tone. Roman broke first. He snickered. “Oh? Is that so?”

Janus huffed. He didn’t notice that he had slipped. But he was now soldily in little space and regressing fast. “I do!” He insisted with a small stomp of his foot.

“Ok. Why don’t you let the grown ups handle this?” Roman said teasing. He expected Janus to snap back at him. Instead he got very very quiet.

“Roman that wasn’t very nice.” Patton said firmly.

Janus missed whatever Roman said next; he was too busy trying not to cry. 

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry!

“Janus?” He heard Logan say from next to him. He glanced sideways at the logical side whose face was pinched in concern. “Are you alright?”

That’s what broke him. Not the harshness from the others. No, it was the unexpected kindness, and from Logan of all of them.

A few tears managed to fall before he wordlessly sunk out.

He got halfway to his room before he ran into Remus. 

“J-anus! Guess what I...what happened?” He asked he saw the state Janus was in. 

“Nothing.” Janus said fighting to keep his voice low as he pushed past Remus. 

“Janus wait!” 

He didn’t stop until he was in his room and the door was locked. He slid down and tucked his head against his knees and sobbed. His hat falling off onto the floor. 

Someone knocked and he froze. “Janus?” 

He held his breath. He couldn’t tell who it was. He just waited until they left before he got up and got into his jammies, grabbed a plushie from his pile and curled up on the bed. He hesitated before he pulled out his paci. 

He had cried in front of them! He acted like a child! Would they figure it out? Logan was smart, he was surely going to pick up on it. The only question is would he tell the others or not. 

Janus fell into a fitful sleep.

Logan stared at the space that Janus had just occupied. He had been crying as he left. As he looked up he knew that the others noticed that too. Roman had been in the middle of (begrudgingly) Apologizing when Janus left.

“I-I didn’t think..” Roman sputtered.

Virgil was just sitting there in shock. 

“Was he...crying?” Patton asked looking around to confirm what he just saw.

Thomas was rubbing the back of his head. “Well that didn’t go as I expected.”

“Should someone go check on him?” Virgil asked slowly. 

“Like you care.” 

Everyone turned to Logan. 

He cleared his throat. “That was out of line. I apologize.”

“Logan…” Patton started.

“I should go.” Logan said sinking out. 

No one tried to stop him.

He saw Remus on his way to Janus’s room, he had a baffled look on his face. Logan knocked a few times, “Janus?”

There was no answer, though he could swear he heard a soft sobbing before he knocked. He knocked again knowing Janus was in there.

He waited but when no answer came he left to his own room his mind replaying the events that took place. Trying to figure out just what was going on with the snake like side.

\---

The next morning Janus made sure to get up before anyone else and got a small breakfast before hiding in his room. He stayed in there all day despite the fact that everyone knocked on his door at least once. 

He would go quiet and wait for them to leave before even breathing. He stayed in his jammies and stayed on his bed mostly. He didn’t want to go out there. Not now that they knew something was going on. 

Now that they might know exactly what's going on. He couldn’t face them! He couldn’t stand to hear them mock him for this. At least..not yet. 

He was a master of masks. He could hide what he was feeling if he tried hard enough. If he just focused enough he could block everything they throw at him out. 

Nothing they would say could hurt him. He practiced schooling his face in front of the mirror. Not that he needed to, it was just an excuse at this point to not go out. It was clear that he was avoiding them and the longer he put it off the worse it would be. 

He would of course deny it as long as he could. Brush the incident under the rug and try to make them forget his slip up. Still he doubted it would be that easy. 

So he practiced until he was ready. And he was ready.

He was ready for insults and mocking. For them to belittle him for something out of his control. He was ready to meet them on their terms. 

He was not ready to step out of his room and right into Logan. 

\---

Logan pieced it together fairly quickly. He noticed how Dec-Janus would not only not participate in ‘childish’ activities, he would practically run from them. His habit of slurring his speech slightly when tired or stressed. He would hug a pillow when he sat on the couch and thought no one was watching.

Age regression was only a theory but there was a fair amount of proof pointing to it. Still Logan wanted to be sure, so he waited.

“Hello.” Janus said his eyes flickering between the ends of the empty hallway and Logan’s face as if expecting more sides to pop up. 

“Janus. I would like to talk to you if that is agreeable.” Logan said stiffly.

“What about?” Janus said dropping into a bored tone as he crossed his arms. As if he didn’t care at all about Logan had to say.

Logan didn’t buy it. “About your age regression.” 

Janus paused. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He lied smoothly.

“Why don’t we talk in your room?” Logan suggested as Janus’s eyes flickered to the ends of the hallway again. Logan stepped forward to enter the room and Janus’s arm shot out and blocked his way.

He couldn’t risk Logan seeing something that could confirm what he probably already knew. He…

Janus looked at Logan’s sympathetic face. 

He already knew. 

Janus lowered his arm, “Fine. Come in.”

Logan nodded once before walking in and Janus shut the door. 

“I have not told anyone else if that is what you are concerned about.” Logan said after scanning the room and turning to face Janus.

“....I don’t appreciate it.” He muttered.

A small smile formed on Logan’s lips. “How young do you regress to?”

“And I’ll tell you that..why?” Janus asked.

Logan paused, “Alright. A trading of information. I regress to around seven.” 

Janus froze. This wasn’t what he expected. “You...too?”

Logan nodded, “Now..About you?”

Janus hesitated before speaking, “It depends.” he said slowly. “Sometimes I’m bigger, other times not so much.” 

“That is...frustratingly vague.” Logan said shifting on his feet.

“Well sorry I don’t really care to notice just how old I feel!” Janus snapped. 

Logan started to essay something and then changed his mind, “I take it you’ve been going through this alone?”

“Yes...Haven’t you?” Janus asked, baffled. He had never heard of it before, surely none of the others knew.

“No. Patton and Virgil help. Roman knows.” Logan said shortly.

Janus was stunned. “And...they don’t think it’s…” 

“Abnormal?” Logan supplied. “That would be rather hypocritical.”

Hypocritical…. “You mean they also…?” 

“All I’ll say is that they’ll understand better than you seem to expect.” Logan said smoothly.

Janus didn’t respond. He didn’t know how to respond. He wasn’t ready for this. He didn’t think he would find any scrap of acceptance or understanding. 

The whole thing was throwing him into a state of mind much younger than he wanted right now.

“I think you should go.” Janus said quickly. He wanted Logan gone. He couldn’t be here! Even if he knew.

Logan frowned and titled his head slightly. “Is something wrong? If I have offended you in anyway that’s not what I-”

“No.” Janus said, shaking his head panicked. “Go please.”

Realization dawned on Logan’s face. “Janus are you regressing?”

“I-...” Janus hugged himself. He wanted to be alone. He wanted a hug. He wanted Logan to leave. He wanted Logan to stay.

“It’ll be ok.” Logan said softly, reassuringly.

Janus looked at him for a second before throwing himself into Logan’s arms. “Stay please.”

“Are you sure-”

“Stay!” Janus said firmly.

“Ok. I’m not going anywhere.” Logan promised. 

Janus relaxed. Then frowned as he pulled back. “What’s wrong?”

“Clothings yucky.” Janus supplied. Logan looked at Janus dressed in his usual outfit. 

“Do you have something more comfort you would like to wear?” Logan asked.

Janus dropped down and pulled a box out from under his bed. Inside was all his little gear and a pair of yellow and black pajamas. 

“Do you need help to-” 

“No I gots it!” Janus said quickly. 

“Ok...Should I step out while you…” The offer died on Logan’s tongue as Janus looked so scared at the mention of him leaving. “How about I just turn around?” 

Janus nodded. Logan turned and waited as Janus changed.

“Done!” Janus said. Logan turned and noticed that the buttons on his shirt were done wrong and the pants were inside out, but made no comment on this.

“Good job.” He praised.

Janus beamed. Then he frowned, “Now what?”

“Well what do you want to do?” Logan asked.

Janus looked away, shy. It was a minute before he responded, “Cuddles?” He asked.

Logan smiled, “I think we can manage that.” 

Janus smiled and climbed onto his bed. He patted the bad next to him and Logan climbed on as well. 

Janus was quick to cuddle up to him and rest his head on Logan’s chest. He was asleep within seconds.

Logan lay there holding the little and wondering just how Janus would respond to this when he woke up.


	2. so he hid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus runs into Virgil and Roman while little. It doesn't go well.

Janus woke up in Logan’s arms still small. 

“Did you sleep well?” Logan asked.

Janus nodded, “Yeah.” 

Logan paused before asking, “How are you feeling?” 

“I good.” 

“I’m good.” Logan corrected.

“That’s good!” Janus said.

“No that’s not..” Logan sighed. “Alright. Are you hungry? I think everyone else is in bed by now if you want to go out to get something to eat.”

“No.” Janus said just as his stomach grumbled.

Logan frowned, “When was the last time you ate?”

Janus shifted and avoided looking at Logan. “Janus…”

“In the morning.” Janus muttered finally.

Logan frowned. “That’s quite a while. We should get you something to eat.”

Janus shook his head. “No. I don’t wanna leave.”

“Please?” Logan asked. “No one else should be up.”

“Promise?” Janus asked.

Logan couldn’t really promise that. Still if it got Janus something to eat. “Promise.”

Janus held out his pinky. Logan shook it with his. “Promise.” He repeated.

Janus smiled, “Ok. We can go now.”

Janus held Logan’s hand as they stepped out of his room and made their way to the kitchen. What Logan had not expected was Roman sitting up waiting.

“Janus.” Roman said standing up. 

Janus froze, he looked at Logan with betrayal on his face. Logan stepped in front of him, “What are you doing up Roman?”

“I wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Roman said talking to Janus who peeked at Roman from around Logan’s shoulder. 

“Ok.” Janus said softly. 

“Good. Now that that’s over with. You should get to bed. It’s late.” Logan said tensely.

“You’re both up.” Roman grumbled.

Logan hesitates before turning back to Janus, “Would it be alright if Roman stayed?”

Janus looked at Roman seriously, “Don’t laugh at me.”

“I swear on my honor.” Roman said seriously. 

“What’s going on?” A voice from behind them asked. Janus spun around to see Virgil who took one look at Janus and snickered. “What happened to you?”

“Virgil.” Logan warned.

“What? He looks like he got dressed while drunk.” Virgil said.

Janus looked down at his mis-buttoned shirt and inside out pants and tears popped into his eyes again.

“Virgil!” Roman said coming to Janus’s defense having finally figured it out.

Virgil paled at the devastated look on Janus’s face. He was so vulnerable. 

“I-” He couldn’t say anything else as Janus burst out into tears and pushed past him running back to his room. 

Logan followed. Janus slammed the door shut and locked it. Logan tried the knob before knocking. “Janus can you let me in?”

“No! You promised!” Janus yelled through the door. 

“What’s going on?” Patton asked, stepping out of his room. “I heard yelling.”

“I..may have made a promise based on the normally sleeping patterns of everyone and did not take into account any deviations from that pattern.” Logan explained.

“English teach.” Roman said.

“I made a mistake. I promised Janus that no one else would be up or that they would mess with him. I shouldn’t not have done that seeing as I had no real control over the situation and couldn’t prevent him from getting hurt.” He said the last bit with a glare towards Virgil.

“I didn’t know that he regressed!” Virgil said, trying to defend himself.

“Virgil! You shouldn’t be mean anyway.” Patton said.

“Now he’s locked himself in his room and he really needs to get something to eat.” Logan said.

“Aaaw. Poor Kiddo.” Patton said.

“I’ll go get him a sandwich.” Roman offered bolting off. 

“I’ll, ah...help.” Virgil said following the prince.

Logan knocked on the door, “Janus I am so sorry. Can you please let me in?”

There was no answer. 

After a few minutes Roman and Virgil came back with a sandwich. 

“I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for you. Can you open the door?”

No answer. 

“Alright. I’m going to leave it on the floor just outside so you can get it. Then we’re all going to our rooms.” He said looking around at the other three.

Still nothing. Logan set the sandwich down and they all walked off making sure to shut their doors loudly. 

In the morning the sandwich was still there. 

\---

“I’m worried.” Patton said again. 

“What if we break into his room?” Roman suggested. 

Logan shook his head, “I broke his trust once, I won’t do it again.” 

“What if he’s in trouble?” Virgil said.

“Unlikely. This wasn’t the first time he’s been regressed alone and he may well not be regressed anymore. He should be fine, if not a bit emotional upset.” Logan said guilt. Sure it wasn’t his fault that Roman and Virgil had been up. But he still made a promise, one that was broken.

“We’ll just have to wait for him to come out on his own.”

A week went by. They left food for him which he never opened the door to eat. They took shifts staying up at night in the hopes of caughting him outside. But there was still nothing.

“Relax.” Remus said, “He did that all the time back before…” 

Before the move. 

“I don’t remember that.” Virgil disagreed.

“That was after you left Emo.” Remus said, “He’d spend weeks in his room. Nothing I could do could get him out!”

“Weeks?” Logan repeated. 

“Oh yeah! And he’d come out for nothing! Then afterwards he just shows up and acts like nothing ever happened.” Remus said. “Made me think I was going crazy! Even more so!” He laughed.

“Thank you for the information. That is… greatly appreciated.” Logan said stiffly.

“Now what?” Roman asked. “We can’t just...wait it out!” 

“We could ask Thomas to summon him.” Patton suggested.

“And if he is regressed at the moment? We would be forcing him into the kind of situation that was so troubling to him in the first place.” Logan said.

Roman groaned. “So there’s nothing we can do.” 

“No we wait.” Logan said, “It’s the only thing we can do.”

Another week passed.

Then another.

It was almost a month before Logan woke up to the smell of fresh coffee and found Janus sitting at the kitchen table reading a book. A cup of coffee on the table in front of him and a piece of half eaten toast. Logan smiled in relief.  
“Janus.” He called getting the side’s attention. 

Janus looked up at Logan. “Good morning Logan.”

“Are you alright?” Janus seemed surprised at that. 

“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You got upset about what Virgil said.” Logan reminded him.

Janus rolled his eyes, “I can handle petty insults Logic. And while the hissing is annoying and rather childish, it is easily brushed off.” 

“But what about while you were regressed?” Logan asked frustrated that Janu was avoiding the topic after hiding for almost a month!

Janus froze, he turned towards Logan with wide eyes that quickly narrowed. “How did you know about that?”

Logan paused, did..did he really not remember? 

“You told me.” Logan said. That was partially true. Not a complete lie. Logan had, however, forgotten that Janus could tell when someone was lying. Even a half lie.

Janus stood slowly. “I don’t know how you found out about that but that is none of your business.” 

“Janus I-”

“Janus?” Virgil said from behind Logan. 

The two sides eyes locked for a brief moment, “Look, I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Virgil apologized.

Janus hissed. “What is this? First Logan now you?”

“Janus, what day is it?” Logan asked slowly.

“I don’t think-” Janus started.

“Just answer the question.” Logan snapped.

Janus blinked and crossed his arms, “June 2’d.” 

Virgil and Logan shared a look. 

“What?” Janus snapped.

“It’s July 7’th.” Logan said slowly.

Janus was taken back. Logan wasn’t lying. He shook his head a little, “No..that’s...It can’t be.” 

“Janus..do you remember what happens when you’re regressed?” Virgil asked. Logan looked up; he hadn’t even thought of that. But that would mean Janus had been regressed for a whole month.

Janus paled, “How did you…” He looked between Logan and Virgil. He shook his head, “Excuse me.”

“Wait!” Virgil cried as Janus sunk out to his room. 

Janus locked the door shaking. He lost a whole month? It never lasted that long before! It was getting longer. He needed to find a way to stop it. 

Before he could lose any more time.


	3. Getting there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus starts to open up about his problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remus says some mildly disturbing things.

Virgil and Logan looked at each other. “Remus was right.”

“I didn’t think...I just thought he didn’t want to discuss what happened with Remus not..He really doesn’t remember?” Logan said. 

“-and then I put a needle under my toenail and kicked the door frame!” Remus said following Roman into the room.

“Please just...stop.” Roman said, tired.

“And that’s not even the worst thing I did yesterday!” Remus said excitedly. “Next I got a staple gun-”

“Not the time Remus.” Virgil said.

“Ok!” Remus said.

Roman looked at Virgil, “Why does he listen to you?’

“Simple, no one listens to you.” Virgil said.

(Offended Princy nosies.)

“Janus came out of his room.” Logan informed the twins, cutting Roman off before he could get in a full blown fight with VIrgil.

“Oooh! Was he confused?” Remus asked.

“Yes. He didn’t have any recollection of the past month.” Logan said gravely.

“Nothing?” Roman asked, baffled.

“It seems he didn’t remember anything during his regression.” Logan said.

“Wait.” Roman held up his hands, “Are you saying he regresses for a month?!?”

“It does seem to be the only logical explanation at the moment.” Logan said.

“Don’t snakes hibernate?” Virgil asked.

“In the middle of summer?” Roman asked bewildered.

“I doubt Janus hibernates.” Logan said.

“He’s more snake than you’d think.” Remus said with a wiggle.

“I..Don’t want to know what you mean by that.” Virgil said, shaking his head.

“Oh well since you asked!” Remus said.

“No one asked about-”

“He’s got scales all the way down to-”

“What’s going on?” Patton broke into the conversion.

“Perfect timing!” Roman cried welcoming Patton into the conversion.

Remus huffed before moving on, “Oh well. Now that he’s awake I’ve got a month’s worth of ideas to share!” Remus said running off.

“At least it’s not me anymore.” Roman muttered.

“Janus is awake?” Patton asked.

It didn’t take long for them to catch him up. Patton frowned, “And he doesn’t remember anything?!?”

“It seems that way.” Logan said, adjusting his glasses.

Remus appeared in the doorway again dragging Janus in behind him. “Remus this really isn’t..necessary.” 

Remus released him and Janus straightened up and looked around at everyone. He’s eyes settled on Roman, “I suppose this is the part where you start laughing?” He said bitterly.

Roman was taken back, “No!”

“Trust me,” Logan said, “No one wants to make fun of you for this.” He wasn’t lying. That can’t be right. This was something strange and...

Janus narrowed his eyes, “Are you sure we’re talking about the same thing?”

“Well what do you think we’re talking about Kiddo?” Patton asked.

Janus laughed, “You can’t trick me into talking, and if Logic and Anxiety haven’t said anything..”

“Oh! You’re age regression! That’s what we’re all talking about!” Remus said. Patton nodded.

Janus slowly turned his head to look at the duke. “Really?”

“It’s what I do.” Remus said. 

“Well I guess there really is no avoiding this.” Janus said. “Say whatever you will.” He said with a wave of his hand.

“Janus, we aren’t going to laugh at you.” Roman said, taking a step closer to him.

Janus raised his eyebrows, Roman wasn’t lying. “Belittle me then?”

“Ha! Oh that’s a good one! Cause.. Little space...” Patton said before he looked around and cleared his throat. “Sorry. Not the time.”

“We are more concerned about the time you seem to lose when you regress. Seeing as none of the rest of us suffer that effect-” Logan was cut off.

“Rest of us?” Janus repeated.

“I believe he is talking about me.” Roman said.

“And me.” Virgil admitted.

“I as well age regress.” Logan said.

Janus looked at Patton. Patton blinked, “Oh! No. I don’t regress. I just take care of the kiddos when it happens. With Virgil’s help sometimes! He doesn’t regress often.”

“Pat.” Virgil said in warning.

“Oh! Did I say too much?”

Janus watched them. He looked down and tugged his gloves on tighter. “Good. Now that that’s been taken care of.” Janus turned to leave.

“Wait.” Logan said. He froze on his exit. “We still have yet to get to the source of the problem.” 

“Problem?” Janus said without turning around.

“You’re memory loss.” Logan said. “That can’t be solely from your Regression.” 

“And if it is?” Janus asked after a moment.

“You can’t have spent a month regressed!” Patton cried, “That’s not healthy!” 

“Like I have a choice.” He muttered.

“Your regression is solely involuntary?” Logan asked.

“I’m totally not done talking.” He hissed before leaving.

They watched him leave, worried and confused.

\---

Over the next week Janus would leave if the topic was brought up even if they just tried to talk about their regressions. It didn’t matter what they were doing he would wordlessly turn and walk away or sink out. 

No one was more frustrated by this than Logan. 

“It doesn’t matter.” Janus said finally snapping. “I’m not going to do it again!”

“That’s not healthy either!” Logan said.

“What do you want me to do? Just let it have complete control over my life?” Janus demanded. 

The other sides sat silent as the two yelled at each other from across the dinner table. Just watching the fight unfold.

“There is a healthy way to handle it! If you just let me help!” Logan yelled.

“I can handle it fine on my own!” Janus said.

“Oh? So you can remember everything that happened in the last month?” Logan agured.

Janus sputtered, “That’s why I’m not going...I’m not…” Janus turned to leave before he paused. 

Remus stood in front of him, arms crossed. “Out of my way Remus.”

He shook his head, “Not this time Janus. You need help.” 

“Since when do you care?” Janus snapped.

Remus looked surprised. “You think I don’t care?”

Janus sighed, “No. I know you do.” He deflated. 

“Just let us help you figure this out.” Logan said from behind him.

Janus took a breath. “Ok.”

\---

“The first test is seeing if we can get you to regress voluntarily.” Logan said as he jotted something down on a notepad. “If you regress more than you shouldn’t be regressed for as long.”

“It’s rarely a long time like that.” Janus supplied. “Normally it’s only an hour or two.”

“Is there a common thread that causes you to regress for longer periods of time?” Logan asked looking up.

Janus winced and then shook his head, “...No.” He lied.

“You know what causes it.” Logan accused.

Janus paused, “Not exactly.” He said slowly. He did have an idea of what caused it. After all it had only started after…  
“Well? Care to share with the class?” Logan asked.

Janus raised an eyebrow, “There are only the two of us.”

“Still a class.” Logan said. “Go ahead.”

“It’s because of Virgil.” Janus said.

Logan titled his head, “Explain.”

“He left.” Janus said he looked off to the side. “It only happened after that.”

“So the longer period of Regression only happens after an unpleasant encounter with Virgil?”

Janus nodded, still looking away.

Logan clapped his hands, “Problem solved!”

“What do you mean?” Janus asked.

“We just have to avoid you and Virgil from being in the same room together. This should prevent any negative interactions and thus solve the problem.” Logan reasoned out.

“Yes. That will work sooo well.” Janus said dryly. “And when Thomas summons all of us?”

“I...oh.” Logan paused. “Well then we’re going to need Patton’s help for this one.”

“Patton?”

“He’s emotions, and you are having an emotional problem.” Logan said simply. “Not my forte.” He said waving a hand.

Janus sighed. He already regretted agreeing to this.


	4. missing the mark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus has a talk with Patton and then Virgil.

“So how are you feeling right now?” Patton asked.

They were sitting cross legged in Patton’s room on the floor. Piles of memories that Patton had collected around them.

“I’m fine.” Janus said, rolling his eyes. He did not want to be doing this.  
Patton sighed, “You need to be honest with me for this to work.”

“It’s stupid.” Janus muttered.

“Janus.” His eyes wide and concerned. 

“Ok!” Janus snapped, anything to stop Patton from staring at him like that. 

Like he cared.

“Great!” Patton beamed, “Now, how are you feeling right now?”

“I feel…” Janus shifted in place, “Embarrassed. Exposed…. Foolish.” 

Patton tilted his head, “Because?” He prompted.

“Because I can handle this on my own!” He snapped.

He expected Janus to snap back that he couldn’t. That he was acting childish. Instead Patton seemed to ponder that before responding.

“Just because you can do it on your own, doesn’t mean that it won’t be easier with help.” Patton said. “You don’t have to do it alone.”

“I know that!” Janus said.

Patton opened his mouth to say something then shook his head, “What about when you regressed last time. Do you remember how you felt?”

“Is this really necessary?” Janus asked looking around the room at anything that wasn’t Patton. 

Patton didn’t say anything, he just waited.

Finally Janus answered, “I was scared...and guilty.” 

“Because Virgil left?” 

“I made him leave.” Janus said looking down at his hands, “It was my fault he left.”

“Why do you think that?” Patton asked.

“Because it’s true.” Janus clenched his fists and looked up. “I pushed him away. When I started to Regress...I was a coward and I pushed him away! Now he hates me and I deserve it!” 

Patton put a hand over Janus’s closed ones. “That’s in the past. I don’t know all that happened, but I don’t think that Virgil hates you. He was so worried when you were gone. We all were.”

Janus frowned, “Why? It’s not like I…” He closed his mouth.

“What?” Patton asked.

Janus didn’t budge. Patton nodded after a minute. “Alright. So you felt guilty and scared. Did you feel that way the whole time?”

Janus frowned, It was fuzzy, his memories of those times. “I think so.”

Patton nodded. “I think when you regress like that you let the negative emotions take over and you get stuck.”

“Well how do I fix it?” Janus demanded.

“What if you regressed and had someone watch over-”

“No.” Janus said flatly. 

“Janus we can help you not feel so bad! And then you won’t be stuck and-”

“And what? You get to all laugh at me for this?” 

“No one is going to laugh at you!” Patton argued.

“Virgil did.” Janus remembered Virgil laughing at him. It replayed in his head the whole time he was stuck. He didn’t remember about what, but he remembered that much.

“And he regrets it.” Patton said, “He didn’t know you were little at the time and-”

“He doesn’t want to hurt someone when they're small. But that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t do it when I’m normal.” Janus said, heated as he stood up.

“Janus-”

“This was real fun. I totally want to do it again.” Janus said as he left.

“Wait!”

He didn’t. He stormed back towards his room. Halfway there ran right into the side he wanted to see the least.

“Janus I just…” Virgil started and then paused.

“Just what Virgil?” Janus asked, he meant it to come out harsh and cold. Instead he just sounded... tired.

Virgil looked up at him, “If you ever need someone to watch you...I’d be willing.”

That stung. After everything, everything he tried to get Virgil to forgive him he did it for something Janus never wanted him to know about. 

So if it hurt why did he want that so much?

“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” he muttered.

Virgil nodded and stepped aside so that Janus could walk past him. Janus hesitated. 

Was he really going to do this? 

“Logan..suggested voluntary regression.” Janus said slowly. 

“Yeah?” Virgil asked. Waiting.

This was a terrible idea. He was just going to mess it up and get hurt.

“Maybe...then you could.. You know.” Janus said, avoiding Virgil’s eyes.

“Alright. Just give me the time.” Virgil said with forced casualness. 

“Right.” 

Janus stood there. He wanted to say something to ease the awkwardness. 

Virgil spoke first. “I guess that’s why you didn’t want me around? Scared I would figure it out?”

“Scared you would hate me for it.” Janus confessed, “Instead I made you hate me for something else.”

They looked at each other. Virgil rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah well...I probably would have...back then...so...we’re good.” 

“Just like that?” Janus asked, crossing his arms.

“Well...yeah.” Virgil said. “Why?”

“It just seems too easy.” Janus said slowly.

“Are you saying I’m lying?” Virgil huffed.

“I don’t know! I just...I don’t understand why you’re all being so nice about this!” Janus said.

And he didn’t. He couldn’t believe that a part of himself that he worked so hard to hide was just.. Accepted. That they would be fine with it. He must have misread something! Someone had to have lied somewhere! 

“Janus?”

No! This couldn’t be right! He must have missed something!” 

“Janus! Breath!” Virgil said.

Janus took a deep breath. 

“Good. Again.” 

Another deep breath.

“That’s it. Keep going.”

Janus was calming down. He just had to calm down. 

He wanted a nap. “I’m going to my room.” Janus muttered.

“I’m going with you.” Virgil said firmly. Before Janus could protest he continued, “You’re really stressed, if you regress right now there’s no tell if you’ll get trapped again.”

Janus didn’t correct him that he was hiding, not trapped. Still he nodded and let Virgil follow him into his room. 

Janus fell onto his bed face first.

“Heh. Mood.” Virgil said grabbing a chair and sitting down.

Janus groaned, “How long do you plan on watching me?”

“Until you regress or you leave.” Virgil said.

Janus paused, “You really were worried when I didn’t come out weren’t you?” He asked sitting up.

“I’m worried about everything.” Virgil excused.

Not a lie. Not really. And in it’s own way it was confirmation.

Janus laid back on his bed. Maybe things would be ok now. Maybe he could be smaller.

\---

“I don’t get it!” Virgil said, pulling at his hair, “Why isn’t he snapping out if it?” 

Janus sat playing with a child’s puzzle. After the first couple of days he had shrunk down to the size of a four years old with the mental capacity to match. It was just bordering on a week and he was still small. 

Patton put a hand on Virgil’s shoulder, “It’ll be ok Virgil. We can figure this out!”

Hopefully.


	5. Not failing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The root of the problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me-hey, um...can we not...get super angsty? 
> 
> my brain- mmmm ....nah!

Logan sat with Janus as he was coloring. It had been a week and a half and Logan had refused Janus to return to his room, even going so far as to block the room off so the little couldn’t get it lest he got stuck in there again. Something Janus didn’t really seem to mind. He was overly thrilled that there were so many people to play with now.

“Look!” He held up the picture he had done of Logan. 

Logan forced a smile on his face, “Good job!” He praised. He wasn’t really any good at caretaking. He let Patton handle that. But even taking shifts the strain of watching Janus was getting to them. How he hadn’t injured himself before was just short of a miracle. Not that Logan believed in those. 

Janus beamed at him as he took the picture of himself and then went back to drawing. He had a habit of breaking the crayons so there was crayon dust all over the coffee table. It streaked across the blank pages and covered the bottoms of Janus’s sleeves.

“We’re going to need to get all this cleaned up.” Logan stated.

Janus didn’t argue. Instead he soberly nodded and started putting the bits of crayon back in the slightly crumpled box. Logan reached over and helped speed up the process. 

“There. Now let’s get you a clean shirt.” Logan said. Janus reached his arms out. Logan picked him up and carried him up to his room. He put him in a steven universe star shirt.

“Thomas!” Janus said, pointing to his shirt. 

“Yes Thomas wears shirts like that too.” Logan said. 

Janus then sighed heavily and slid off the bed. “My room?” He asked.

“No. We don’t want you to get trapped again.” Logan said.

“With you. Then I safe.” Janus said, grabbing Logan’s hand.

Logan did not have emotions so this moment was not heart warming. Nor touching or adorable. 

“Fine. I’ve tried everything else.” And he had. He had tried waiting it out. Letting Janus do whatever he wanted.Giving him everything he wanted. The only thing he hadn’t done was force Virgil to stay with him which after the first couple of days Janus couldn’t stay in the same room as Virgil without crying.

If he just snapped out of his regression they could talk it out and it would be fine!

“My room!” Janus said tugging on Logan’s hand. Logan shook his head and was led out by the child. 

He removed the chair blocking the door knob and opened the door. 

Janus ran in and Logan followed behind closely. The door closed and Janus let go of Logan’s hand.

Two things happened at once. The lights went out and the whispering started.

“All my fault.” Logan frowned at what sounded like adult Janus spoke. 

“Janus?”

“I messed up. I messed everything up.”

“It’s my fault.”

“He hates me.” 

“They all hate me.” 

“They have to be lying.” 

“Falsehood!” Logan said loudly.

The whispers died down but didn’t fade completely. It was still completely dark. Logan felt around until he found the light switch and turned it on.

Janus was curled up on his bed, bigger although not fully grown. More pre teen.

“It’s my fault.” He whispered.

Logan walked over to him and sat down on the edge of the bed. “I believe you’ve been lying to yourself.” 

Janus looked up at him, “I mess everything up. I failed to get Thomas to go to the callback. I failed to get him to take care of himself. I pushed Virgil away and hurt him. I’m a burden on all of you when I’m like this.”

“Falsehood. Mistakes have been made. But that does not make you a burden.” Logan said. “You are letting a small portion of your actions speak for you as a whole. You are a multifaceted piece in a multifaceted puzzle.”

“Please don’t turn into a puppet.” Janus said shifting completely back to an adult. 

“Welcome back Janus.” Logan said smiling for real.

Janus didn’t return the smile. “I thought we figured this out.” He grumbled.

“I believe we got close.” Logan said.

“I still think I should just find a way to not regress.” Janus said stubbornly.

Logan frowned. “I thought we agreed that that was unhealthy.”

“No. You told me that it was unhealthy and Ignored you.” Janus rebutted.

“From what I’ve seen you have a fear of failure and that fear is causing you to hide from your problems and regress.” Logan said. “Which is unhealthy.”

“So I stop regressing. We’re running in circles here!” Janus said.

“No we aren’t. We’re sitting on your bed.” Logan said.

Janus raised an eyebrow. “I tried letting myself regress and ran into the same problem.”

“But you don’t always have this problem. It is as you said, a rare occurrence.” 

They sat there as Janus thought this over. He shook his head.

The whispering got louder again. 

“Failure. Liar. Freak.”

“Don’t listen to the lies you tell yourself.” Logan said firmly.

There was a knock at the door. “Janus are you in there?” Patton called through the door, panicked.

“We’re fine Patton.” Logan called.

“Logan? Is Janus in there as well?” Patton asked.

Janus waved his hand and the door opened revealing Patton on the other side. He took a look and smiled in relief. “Oh. You’re big again!”

“Yes.” 

“It appears that we have found the source of Janus’s forced regression.” Logans said.

“Logan.” Janus said in warning. Logan ignored him.

“Oh? What is it?” Patton asked.

“Listen.” Logan instructed. The whispering hadn’t stopped and with this added stress had gotten worse.

Patton paled. “Oh...Oh kiddo.” 

“It’s fine! I’m fine! I can handle this!” Janus said.

The others two looked at him doubtfully. He didn’t back down. 

They stared at each other when there was a knock at the open door. Roman stuck his head in the room, “Everything ok in here?”

“It’s fine.” Janus said flatly.

“Janus.” 

Roman stepped into the room and paused, “Oh wow. Am I hearing voices?” 

“It seems that Janus’s self doubt has manifested into a verbal reminder of his alleged failures.” Logan explained.

Roman nodded, “Ok that’s something that I can help with.” 

Janus looked at Roman, “Really? You’re going to help with this?”

Roman rolled his eyes, “Come on Fibber on the roof.”

“Didn’t you alright use that one?” Janus crossed his arms.

“It’s a good one!” Roman defended. “But, back to the matter at hand.”

Janus threw his hands in the air. “Fine! Let’s go.” If it got him away from Logan and Patton for a little bit. Besides Roman was much easier to convince anyway.

Janus reluctantly followed Roman out of his room and into Roman’s. Roman summoned a pair of chairs as the door closed. He sat down and waved a hand at the other chair.

“Now what?”

“You aren’t a failure.” Roman said simply. 

“Then why do I feel like one?” Janus asked. He meant to snap, to lash out. Instead he sounded hollow.

Roman seemed to think about this. “You’re just too harsh on yourself…. Do you blame me for choosing the wedding?”

“No. You were trying your best to do the right thing...even if it wasn’t at the time.” Janus said.

“But you blame yourself?” Roman asked, “Even though it’s my fault?”

“It’s not...We both messed up.” Janus said.

“Right. So we’re both failures!” Roman said.

“What? No!” Janus said then froze. His eyes narrowed, “Oh you’re smarter than you look.”

Roman snorted, “Creativity is based on knowledge. Did you really think I am as stupid as I act?”

Janus blinked in surprise at this. “And yet you still believe you’re failing.”

“Yes.” Roman said. “Emotions are hard to control.” 

Janus sat in silence for a minute letting that sink in. 

“You’re running from your problems. Running from the feeling of… not being good enough. But you have to face that. Accept that you messed up and move on. Roman said. 

“How do you know?” Janus asked.

Roman smiled, “Smarter than you thought, remember?” 

Janus slowly nodded, “Thank you. I...guess I have some stuff to work through.” 

“My door is always open. As is Logan’s and Patton’s. Even Virgil, though I doubt he’d be much help honestly.” Roman said.

Janus snorted.


	6. The epilogue.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a parting note.

It took time for Janus to get a handle on his feelings. Then even longer until he could regress without getting stuck after an encounter with Virgil. The guilt was still there, but he could handle it now.

He would always regret the past, but he wasn’t getting stuck in it anymore. 

“Janus?” Virgil asked, “You alright?”

Janus looked up and smiled, “Perfectly fine. Thank you. Just..lost in thought.”

Virgil nodded, “You want to talk about it?”

“I have..regrets. But that’s in the past now.” Janus said. “Now I just have to focus on moving forward.”

Virgil nodded, “That’s good.”

“Virgil…” Janus said hesitantly. “I think… I’m ready to try regressing.. With you there.”

Virgil’s eyes widened. Little Janus had slowly been warming up to Virgil. The guilt and fear of hurting Virgil was easier to block out even his younger state of mind.

Virgil smiled, “Ok.”

\---

Janus sat coloring with Virgil in peaceful silence. Logan sat close by reading a book to put Virgil at ease. Just in case Janus wasn’t quite as ready as he believed himself to be.

It seemed to be going well. Janus would talk to Virgil without any hesitation and happily showed him the drawing he was working on. 

“For you.” Janus said, sliding Virgil a crayon drawing.

It was a picture of the two of them standing side by side.

Virgil smiled, “Thank you. I love it.”

Janus beamed before going back to coloring. 

In a couple hours he would be big again and would feel more relaxed than he had in what felt like years. But for now, he had a family portrait to draw. One that would end up on the fridge next to the others. 

Janus felt safe, and happy. 

He felt loved, and months after being accepted.

He accepted himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Please please please tell me if I am missing any tags. I am new to this and kinda dumb so if I missed a tag please point it out. Thank you!


End file.
